Adele

I read this quote from Adele today in an article in which she discussed her desire to quit touring. For me her admission radiated bravery to buck a system and to develop a creative process that enabled her to remain true to herself. She showed an ability to look at what made her happy and what depleted her and in doing so exhibited a willingness to do what supported her gifts and strengthened her. And her fans would adjust; they would still hear her beautiful voice through her CDs or occasional performances on television but not necessarily through annual tours.

How many times in life do we “stay the course,” doing things in that deceptive way that tradition tells us works? How often do we step out of the box to say this works and this doesn’t and I’m not going to frustrate myself by continuing to do something that doesn’t work? Why do we tend not to discard mental and emotional tools that are broken? Silly, huh? Just like you wouldn’t keep using a vacuum cleaner that didn’t work instead of replacing it with one that did.

Know too that because something works for someone else does not mean that it’s what brings out your best. Someone once told me that I needed to be doing something with my business that others were doing and I informed the person that it just wasn’t my bag. (Completely throwing off this Gen X person. I had to translate.) We’re not cookies; we don’t need to fit the same mold.

Do you listen to your calling to do something out of the ordinary? Do you encourage those who ask for your advice to listen to their inner voice even though it may run counter to what our culture tells us is expected? Would you agree with your child if he/she wanted to take a gap year between high school and college? Would you be comfortable encouraging your young adult daughter or son to explore a non-traditional field of work that interested them or tell them to jump into the established workforce?

Paul Gauguin, the Post-Impressionist artist, realized that while he was good at being a stockbroker he hated it. It was too constricting. And much to his wife’s dismay, he quit a lucrative career that provided him with an income to live in a beautiful Parisian apartment and collect art to pursue his desire to create through paint and clay.

I’m not encouraging you to abandon your responsibilities especially if they include providing for a young family but I am encouraging you to either start or continue making decisions from a place of acknowledging your talents and how best to bring them to life. If Gauguin had followed his calling from the start (art) and not entered into a profession that did not bring him happiness he would have saved himself and a lot of people (namely his wife and five children) from some painful times.

As I continue to work with non-profit and for-profits businesses on leadership issues I am continually pulled to suggesting that these entities recognize that their businesses are comprised of people and that as such they are not static but ever evolving and changing. Research suggests that by 3pm most people working a traditional 9-5 job become unproductive especially those who have children returning home from school. Calls begin to go back and forth about homework and dinner until the closing bell at 5pm. The Danes have realized that workers are most productive if they work from 9am – 3pm at which time they leave to pick up children from school and daycare. They have five very productive work hours and one hour of lunch which they do not eat at their desks while working (it’s considered bad manners). Again, thinking outside of the traditional box. I realize that ideas like these are easier to bring to small businesses but I also know from experience that most small businesses are too apprehensive to even try a new approach to what a work day looks like and how a work environment functions (don’t eat at your desk and take a vacation that does not include checking in at work all day).

Back to Adele and you – I encourage you to embrace the unique person who you are, do things to support you, try things that challenge you (the only way Adele realized she didn’t like touring was to actually tour), and release things that deplete you and impact negatively on how you use your gifts in the world. No one knows you better than you know yourself. And no one is quite like the wonderful, unique person you are. You shine your light in the world first by being true to yourself and then casting that beam outward.

“This above all: to thine ownself be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

                        Shakespeare – Hamlet

P.S. As I prepare for the launch of my book I have only a few openings for new clients who are interested in mindful leadership training for themselves or their employees (lunch-and-learns, professional development, one-on-one executive training). Contact me at anne@annegrecolifecoaching.com or message me on my Facebook page, Anne Greco, Writer, if you think one of the remaining leadership training slots is for you.

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                        Excerpt from my upcoming book on pilgrimage

Filomena was my great-great-great-grandmother. She was born in 1834 and came to America at the age of 72 from Italy to help her widowed son who was living in Pennsylvania, raise his children. Elisa, my great-grandmother, was the oldest of these children. Both Filomena and Elisa were strong women who encountered many challenges in their lives. Elisa was widowed at 30 and left with six young children to raise. But both women were resilient. Filomena and Elisa became role models to me and I took a pilgrimage to Elisa’s house at a time I was feeling a bit lost and uncertain of who I was and what I was made of.

I can’t imagine what Filomena thought as she made the two-week voyage to America traveling in steerage. Never a traveler, she left behind her village to live in a foreign country at an advanced age. And she never looked back. Elisa had to figure out how to provide financially, emotionally, and physically for six children. She not only survived, she thrived, and eventually became the first woman in her family to purchase a home – the home I visited on my pilgrimage.

Who or what are your role models that you look to for strength and inspiration when you are feeling “less than?” Are they family members you never met, as in my case? Or are they friends or relatives with whom you’ve shared your life? Do you draw inspiration from nature or art? From historical or literary figures?

Has anyone ever told you that you were a role model for them? If so, how did that make you feel? Humbled? Overwhelmed? Confused? Unworthy?

Have you ever come out on the upside of a really scary and challenging time to rejoice at the fact that you were still standing, although maybe a little shakily? Did you ever survive something that you feared only to realize that it didn’t have the power over you that you ascribed to it?

You are braver than you realize. You are stronger than you realize. You are more resilient than you realize. And you inspire and touch more people than you probably realize.

I was recently speaking with someone about how my book is in its final stage of proofing. Then it’s onto cover design and formatting – and then printing or converting to an e-book. This person was such a pessimist, telling me not to quit my day job, not to think the book will sell – on and on. And I told this person that it never occurred to me that I couldn’t write and publish a book and that it wouldn’t sell. I didn’t put those limitations on myself. I never set out to write a book – I was compelling to start writing and the book flowed out of me. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t plotted out which is why I think I was a channel for the words. And – I’ve already begun my second book.

What things have you done that have completely surprised you? What have you done that you never thought possible? Do you see how when you expand your vision and have faith in yourself that anything is possible? Sure, you might falter along the way, you might experience the “one step up, two steps back” phenomena but really – forward is better than stagnant – and anything is better than backward – except when it’s a glance back at two pretty amazing women named Filomena and Elisa.

Facebook

I changed the name of my Facebook page from Anne Greco Life Coaching to Anne Greco, Writer in advance of the book publication. If you use Facebook, please “like” the page to receive more frequent communications including photos of Elisa and other people and places that are mentioned in the book. It’s also a more direct way for us to interact.

Instructions

I’ll end with a few lines from a wonderful poem “Instructions” by Neil Gaiman:

Remember your name.

Do not lose hope – what you seek will be found…

Trust your heart, and trust your story…

For You

I wish you joy and peace as we close out February.

Anne

P.S. The photograph is of Elisa’s five children in 1916 shortly before the birth of her sixth child – and shortly before her husband passed away. My grandfather, Joseph, is the one without anything on his head.

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January – My Favorite Month

I love the month of January. It’s a fresh start, a clean slate, a time to look forward. It’s month full of possibilities. But like Janus, after whom the month is named, it’s also a time for looking back, to taking stock. And for me it’s also a time for decluttering; for looking at what no longer serves me or makes me happy – and releasing it. I need space to grow – and the decluttering clears physical and non-physical spaces.

Decluttering

I’m continuing to declutter my house, looking at objects and asking when the last time was I used it, or whether I like it, whether it fits in with the feeling I want my home to have, whether it’s outdated or no longer fits, etc. And the more I clear, the freer I feel. I love books – and buy way too many – and I’ve held onto them even though I don’t re-read them. So, I’ve begun to gather the books that I’ve liked reading but know I don’t have to hold onto them. They are new books that have only been read once. I’ve decided to begin to give them away and not hold on to them.

I equate the clutter with holding way too many things in my hands –and this holding prevents me from receiving anything new. As I drop these things from my hands, from my plate, etc. I open myself to receiving. I want my living space to be a sanctuary. I want to feel rested, restored, and renewed in my home. I want to be surrounded with a few things that make me happy. And I want a lot of clear, open space – in my physical life and in my calendar. For example, I’ve begun saying no to speaking engagements that feel like a chore.

Hygge and Deluttering

Some of you have asked me to write a little more about hygge. I’m reading How to Live Danishly and really enjoying picking up tips on how to incorporate it into all aspects of my life. Hygge asks you to look at the space you inhabit and make it as cozy as possible. It recommends having several light sources that scatter the light in a room, surrounding yourself with books you like, having comfy blankets and pillows. It’s minimalist in its décor; there is no clutter. And there are lots of white candles. Like the New York Times, the Washington Post also recently featured an article on hygge. And if you’re near Philadelphia, there’s a brewpub on Fairmount Avenue called Bar Hygge.

There’s only so much space in your home or office or calendar. I encourage you to let these things serve you instead of the other way around. Make your living space warm and inviting. Make your workspace inspire you. Let the activities on your calendar nourish you instead of deplete you. Declutter in small bits. Do a little bit every day. You might declining an invitation or clean out one drawer in your dresser. Each little step brings you closer to creating the life you want and the space that helps you flourish.

One thing I’m trying to eliminate from my life (mental decluttering) is the concept of putting things off for another time. I’ve come to realize that life really is unpredictable and quite short. I’ve put off doing so many things because I held onto the false notion that I have all the time in the world. I don’t – and neither do you.

The Funeral

January found me in England for the funeral of my dear mother-in-law, Rosemary, the matriarch of her family. It was a bittersweet time. The service was beautiful and touching. She had a beautiful voice and sang in many local choirs. One of the choirs showed up unexpectedly and sang at her service. And her six great-grandbabies brought such joy to the day. My husband, Martin, and I stayed in her house for the week we were there, surrounded by her life in a way. Her books, her apron, her sheet music were all where she left them. I cherished my time with Rosemary and I truly miss her.

The Trip From Hell

As we were planning our trip to England for the funeral, it was cheaper for us to fly into Dublin and take a short flight to England instead of flying directly to England. Martin suggested spending a few nights in Dublin on our way home over my birthday weekend.

But the trip was met with such calamities that we almost didn’t make it to the funeral or to Dublin. To quote Martin, “You couldn’t make this stuff ( a nicer word than Martin used) up.”

The day we were scheduled to fly to Dublin it snowed. And snowed. And snowed. And the heater in the house broke that morning. PSEG managed to come out to fix it before we had to leave for the airport. We arrived at the airport 3 hours ahead of our scheduled flight. And we sat in the airport. And sat. And sat. Until we finally boarded at midnight, 4 hours late. And then the pilot came on and said there was a problem in the cockpit and by the time it would be fixed he would be over his hours. So the flight was cancelled. And, due to the snow, they informed us that there were no available flights to Europe for four days.

Because we had to attend a funeral, the airline suggested we wait until the ticket counter opened in the morning to try to get on a standby flight.The ticket counter opened at 3:30am – so we waited only to be told there we might be able to get a flight out on standby but we had to return closer to the flight time of 8pm. So we went home only and managed to find the last 2 seats out on another airline that evening – to London. So, the tickets for the connecting flight from Dublin to Manchester, England were not able to be used.

Flight #2 took off on time! And about 2 hours into the flight an announcement was made that we were being diverted back to Boston for some repairs. But because the plane was full of fuel for an international flight, a landing was a bit sketchy – so we were going to be met my emergency crews (ambulances and fire trucks) in case the brakes caught on fire. After landing safely and having the repairs made we took off – only to arrive in London too late to make our connecting flight to Leeds, England. So be booked another flight to Manchester, England.

But, our luggage never made it to London. Luckily we had packed our clothes for the funeral in our carry-on luggage.

We made it to Manchester (without luggage) and caught the train to Martin’s hometown. We settled in for the hour ride. At this point we had been traveling for 48 hours. And then the train stopped one station short of our destination. We were told the train could go no further due to a problem on the tracks.

We got off the train, without a cell phone, and had to find a pay phone to inform Martin’s family as to where we were. It was late in the evening. cold, and rainy. We were tired and defeated. But, Martin’s brother-in-law picked us up and deposited us safely at our destination.

Destination Dublin

Which is long way of telling you how I came to visit Ireland for the first time. I think it was the combination of having attended a funeral, been met with traveling disasters, and taking stock of my life on my birthday, that as I sat in a pub (the Hairy Lemon) on my birthday listening to a live band, I made a promise to myself that I would no longer defer doing things that I’ve wanted to do. I realize that I can do things in little increments to get to where I want to go, to do what I want to do. While I only spent two days in Ireland and not the two weeks that I’ve been dreaming of – at least I made the first of what I know will be many trips to Ireland. By suggesting the weekend, Martin showed me how to think outside of the box – and how to declutter limiting thoughts; houghts like I have to spend a long time in Ireland to experience it. And thoughts like if things aren’t going smoothly they aren’t meant to me. Sometimes, we are meant to plow through those rough patches, meet those challenges, and not give up. Whew.

I’d love to hear how you’ve been spending these first few weeks of the new year. Have you had a desire to declutter? Is the concept of hygge of interest to you?

As we close out my favorite month of the year I wish you warm nights in the sanctuary of your home and a new calendar to fill with activities that bring you joy!

Peace,

Anne

P.S. The photo is of my clearance candle holder from Anthropologie filled with white Ikea candles.

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Unknowingly I seemed to have been preparing to hygee, a concept I had only recently been introduced to. Hygee is a Danish word that translates loosely to “cozy.” It’s a lifestyle that focus on intimate settings, candles, blankets, feeling relaxed at home either alone or with a small group of friends and family, surrounding yourself with books (reading or coloring), and being kind to yourself. Think of it as the ultimate cocooning during winter. Hygee must have some merit because the Danes are tied with the Swiss for being the happiest people. Coincidentally, this weekend the New York Times featured an article on hygee as it slowly spreads to this country.

I encourage you to join me in thinking of ways that you can embrace hygee this winter season. What can you do to relax, slow down, and cocoon? Remember, winter is a season for planning and dreaming versus doing. It’s a quiet, introspective time; a time of seeming darkness where internal light shines.

For me, I’m going to continue planning the launch of my book on pilgrimage that’s about to be delivered to the publisher, I’m going to gather with friends and family to celebrate the season and the new year. I’m going to slow down after the rush of holiday baking and shopping, sit on the sofa, cover myself in that blanket, and read, read, read. Next on my reading list is The Year of Living Danishly to get some hints from those happy people on how to live!

As we close out December may you be warmed by the love of friends and family. I wish you quiet, peaceful, candlelit nights for dreaming. See you on the flip side!

Peace,

Anne

P.S. The book in the photo is Roots and Sky: A Journey Home in Four Seasons by Christie Purifoy, a writer based in Pennsylvania. I highly recommend it.

I’d love you hear from you at anne@annegrecolifecoaching.com or on my Facebook page Anne Greco Life Coaching.

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A little word of encouragement to help someone get through the day.

A kind glance to let someone know they are seen.

A small gesture to let someone know they are not navigating this world alone.

A short note to tell someone that you remember.

A bit of forgiveness when someone acts in a less than kind way.

A pause of gratitude for the small things in life that we tend to overlook.

A word of thanks to the person who loves you on days when you are a bit challenging to even like.

A little rest when you are weary.

A quick hug for yourself because you really are trying so hard.

During this time of year when gratitude and thankfulness take center stage, take a little time to do your part to move the world closer to healing and peace; the world that is comprised of individuals. When you help one person you create a ripple effect that helps many.

Because as Ram Dass reminds us, we’re all just walking each other home.

As we close out November I wish for you an abundance of good health, happiness, and love.

Peace,

Anne

Anne Greco Life Coaching

P.S. The photo is of my husband, Martin, walking his Auntie Florence back home in their hometown of Hoyland Common in Yorkshire, England.

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How Envy and  a Burned Barn Can Be Good Things

Envy can be a good thing.

It can be a way to hear your inner self or soul speaking to you if you listen in a healthy way.

The other day I was reading a memoir and the woman’s daily life – what she did for a living, what her schedule was like, where she lived – made me envious. My heart just danced around when I imagined having a similar lifestyle – one that I wanted for myself.

I wasn’t jealous. Jealousy is tinged with resentment.

I wasn’t covetous. I didn’t want to take her job and home from her and claim it as my own.

The envy made me notice what type of lifestyle would really make me happy. And then the envy spurred me on to begin to make changes so that one day I would be able to live in a style that is more authentic at this stage in my life.

Have you ever heard about a job someone had and felt that was exactly the type of work you wanted to be doing? Have you ever visited someone and felt that their home – whether it was the style of decorating, the location, the type of dwelling, or even how de-cluttered it was – was exactly how or where you wanted to be living?

That’s the healthy, sit-up-and-take-notice type of envy that I’m talking about. It’s letting you know what you really, really want deep down inside.

When you hear words in your head telling you want you should want that’s not your soul speaking to you; that’s your rational mind. When you feel in your gut what you want – now that is your soul. Your soul speaks in feelings, through an inner knowing, and intuition.

As I wrote earlier, I’ve begun to take steps – some large and some not so large – to claim the lifestyle that I want so dearly. It’s one that I know will make me be more of service to my self, my loved ones and my community. It’s one that is more in tune with the real Anne. But – steps need to be taken. – by me

I firmly believe that as we take action – whether it’s looking for a new place to live, returning to school for a certificate or degree, leaving a bad relationship, taking a class, traveling , even changing our mindset– you name it – that our actions are met with some form of divine intervention. You get a tip on a job posting, an apartment listing, you meet someone who can provide guidance or assistance. It’s your doing that is the catalyst to bringing in assistance from a higher source (however you chose to name it).

The Burning Barn

I know I’ve been writing a bit cagily about some challenges that I’ve been experiencing since the beginning of the year. It’s taken all my energy to see the upside while standing in the middle of rubble. But it can be done – with a lot of effort and self-talk and prayer.

A poet and samurai from the 17^th century, Mizuta Masahide, spoke to me through his haiku and this has helped carry me these past months.

Barn’s burnt down now I can see the moon.

I try to begin and end each day outdoors because it makes me feel connected to the natural world around me. It takes me out of my head and places me among the other things – the trees, the rabbits, the robins, the rocks – with which I share the earth. I took a moon bath the other night under that beautiful harvest moon – allowing the moon to bathe me in its light. And I remembered Mizuta and his poem.

For You

As the summer draws to a close and we near the end of September, my wish for you is that you take the advice of the great singer/songwriter, Steve Forbert as he sang in Romeo’s Tune:

Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything’s alright
Sneak on out beneath the stars and run

Pay attention to what you envy and then take steps to turn your desires into reality.

Take a moon bath.

And go run beneath the stars.

Peace,

Anne

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